Turning a new leaf

I've turned a new leaf on my life like the wind rustling in an autumn park, I'm at war with my own demons tussling in the dark, I've made more mistakes than I'd like to admit, but from here on out, it's to this life that I'll commit, with my feet bleeding as I stumble toward the summit, still every time I hear her name or see her face my stomach just plummets, I fell in love once and I learned from that, my heart burned from that, but I'm turning a new leaf as the sun rises in the east, do I have to wait for my demise to finally feel peace? I once suffered from severe depression, shed tears over the course of six years and counted my blessings, went to electroconvulsive therapy sessions where doctors attached wires to my head, and the doctor asked me what I'd like to dream about before he morphined me out, I felt like screaming out, I just want to be happy for once, and not have to deal with you fucking cunts, the pain lasted for 36 fucking months, it was like I was being spiritually ripped apart, now that I've reassembled my soul, all I can do is spit it from the heart, I can't even count how many times I've been slapped across the face and called a disgrace by my own mother, I still love her, I just didn't know the pain I was putting her through, I hope the times that I've made her proud are more than just a few, and the fistfights I got into with my father, I had to get off of his chest because he said he was going to have a heart attack if I didn't, I'm not kidding, I'm thankful that my relationship with him is back to the way it was when I was a kid, when he used to hold me and do silly things like put a cardboard box on top of his head, I love you Dad, I remember the letter my older brother wrote saying he hated my fucked up posture, I felt like he was a monster for saying how he wanted to smash my face into my computer screen, but he was just frustrated as I would be too if someone I loved was always down in the dumps, I used to wonder if I corrupted my little brother, when I would sleep all day and he asked my mom if I was bipolar and she cried, now that I have these rhymes and something to put my energy in, each time is a fresh start when I let the flow begin